Saturday, December 14, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
It's time once again to look back in time to an era when wrestling was fun and memorable! This weeks memory, while in the scheme of things not quite as earth shattering as some others I'll be covering, was still pretty unforgettable. And, like many of the finer things in this world, this week's article involves The Ultimate Warrior!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Over the years, professional wrestling has changed. I'm not breaking any new ground with that statement, it's obvious to even a casual observer that wrestling is not the same thing as it was in the 80's when I was a kid, or even what it was when I was a teenager and young adult in the 90's and early 2000's. Still, I'm a lifelong fan, and although I now get way more enjoyment out of watching old matches on YouTube or WWE Classics on Demand, I still try to catch Monday Night Raw every week, even though roughly three quarters of the show does nothing but piss me off and make me wax nostalgic for the days when wrestling was "good".
But what makes older wrestling good, you may ask? Well, for starters, nowadays the WWE doesn't even refer to itself as wrestling , they call themselves "sports entertainment" (not sure what they think that second W stands for), and the wrestlers are "superstars." They avoid saying the words wrestling or wrestler like the plague. The title belts are only referred to as "championships" too, for reasons I still don't quite understand (to the point where the announcers will say "he hit him with the championship". Its a little fucking ridiculous). And I guess that's fine, Vince McMahon can market his product however he likes. I can watch or not watch as I see fit. And I do. I still watch hoping to catch a glimmer of what used to make wrestling great. Every now and then they even come close. I could go on a rant listing all the things that are different now, and why it was much better 10, 15 or 20 years ago than it is today. But I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to focus on one thing that it seems to me that the WWE has forgotten how to do, and the product in my opinion suffers for it.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
... When something mainstream wants to make a "Princess Leia in slave bikini" reference, but they put her in the bun hairdo from Star Wars because they're scared the audience won't get the reference?
THIS LOOKS FUCKING DUMB!
Leia didn't wear her hair this way in Return of the Jedi. But the producers of Friends weren't confident enough in their joke to just properly braid Rachel's hair and be done with it. That's why they're assholes. They're not the only ones though.
The assholes behind this Verizon commercial have people dressed as Jabba, Chewbacca, an X-Wing pilot WITH an X-Wing, and the fucking half-constructed Second Death Star, but they couldn't be bothered to get Leia's hair correct?
Like I said. Assholes.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Hi kids! I figured I’d try to cram one more “5 Things” in before we close out 2012, so you could end your year laughing at some of the nonsense that pops into my head on a daily basis. Obviously, I figured wrong, so you get to start your New Year that way instead. I’ve been keeping notes on my phone so I’ve got a bunch saved up. Hopefully that means I’ll be a little more prolific in 2013! Anyway, here's the first "5 Things" of 2013!
1. Do you think a girl would get offended if she found out that after sex, a guy immediately ran to the bathroom to wash his mouth and dick with peroxide? I bet she would.
It can be your friend fellas... I'm just sayin.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Well kids, its Friday and that means its time for another Five Things. Yes that's right, I'm going to attempt to do this weekly. One man's "ambitious" is another's "delusional."
1. So I've decided that when I'm walking down a city sidewalk from now on, I'm not moving out of the way for anyone anymore. Now, that by itself might sound dickish so let me explain, because maybe some of you have noticed this phenomenon, or even better can offer an explanation to me. For some unfathomable reason, it seems like every time I'm walking down the street and someone is coming straight toward me, my instinct, being the naturally polite and awesome person that I am, is to veer to the side to go past them and allow them to continue on their way unimpeded. So how come whenever I do this, the person walking towards me starts to veer in the exact same direction? And then, when I increase my walking speed to get around them, THEY DO TOO! What the fuck? I mean, I know in addition to being polite and awesome I'm also monumentally attractive, but I didn't think that extended into the literal! So there we are, getting ever closer to one another, like two asymptotic lines, only instead of mathematical impossibility being the only thing keeping us from colliding, it's me doing an awkward, last minute, dickhead dance to get out of the way. Like an asshole. So from now on, I only walk in straight lines and I'll leave the getting out of my way to everyone else. Which now that I think about it is only fitting anyway. Stand aside! Stand aside for your betters!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Ok, so after my last attack on the brainlessness that plagues Facebook walls and Twitter feeds on a daily basis got so much acclaim (not that you'd know from the comments section here, but it was a hit in my house), I decided to do it again. And by decided I mean Liz suggested another enraging thing that people do that needs to stop. Read that again. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT MUST STOP. Now in the last article, I made reference to idiots who keep misquoting or falsely attributing semi-inspirational quotes to Marilyn Monroe or Ghandi. Actually, they're not even always semi-inspirational, sometimes the quotes are used because the people doing the quoting think the words of a celebrity excuse their monumentally dickish behavior. And in the past few years, there is no one who indirectly gets credit for more dickish behavior than Drake.