So in an attempt to make my blogging more than a semi-annual event, and give you all something closer to a weekly dosage of the brilliance that is Joey (admit it, you've all been clamoring for it), I've come up with an idea called "Five Things". The concept behind Five Things is basically a combination of five random thoughts, ideas or short stories; stuff that just pops into my head or quick anecdotes I feel the need to share. This will enable me to post a lot more often without getting as in depth as some of my previous posts (and feeling the need to edit the shit out of what I write like some kind of psychopath perfectionist). I'll still do some of that too (because lets face it, I'm a psychopath perfectionist), but for now the blog is going in a shorter/more often direction for awhile.
"I before E except after C!"
Lets see where it takes us...
FIVE THINGS - SEPTEMBER 21, 2010
1. I would like to congratulate TruTV in general and the Rehab show in particular. You geniuses have figured out a way to break me of my narcissistic, self-centered attitudes by putting out a "reality" show that is so obviously scripted, so poorly acted and so just out-and-out bad, that the prospect of seeing myself for a few seconds on your dumb show is no longer enough to get me to watch it. It used to be, it really did. TruTV's motto is "Not Reality... Actuality". Let's explore that for a second.This sentence makes no sense, and I suspect that the marketing douche that came up with it doesn't actually know what any of those words mean. The first half, "Not reality". Ok that part of the sentence I have no problem with because nothing on the network is reality, its all scripted. The second half kinda fucks with me though. The definition of "actuality" is "the quality of state of being actual". Actual means real. So their dumb slogan translates into "Not reality, real". Do they mean real as in this fake show takes place on the same plane of existence as the rest of us? I don't get it, and it makes me angry.
2. Grabbing a girl by the throat, getting real close to her face and screaming "I wanna cum in your neck hair" is NOT an effective method for picking up chicks. Trust me on this one.
3. Back in April everyone loved when I put some Facebook Fakes On Blast! . So of course right after that I immediately stopped getting friend requests from potential fakes and the ones I knew about weren't responding to my attempts to goad them into comedy. Either the universe is continuing its ongoing campaign to spite me in any way possible, or the fakes are actually people I know and they read the blog. Either way, I have this little gem for you. I don't know if she's fake or not, but I had some fun:
Between You and Michelle Clarke
Hi sexy.. Wanna fuck me? x LOL
Sent via Facebook Mobile .
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Because beastiality is against my religion.
No, no, wait, I'm kidding. I don't have a religion. It's actually because I'm afraid I'd fuck you too hard and your cancer wig would fall off.
No, no, wait, I'm kidding again. It's really because your profile says your from Germany, I've heard what your porn is like and I've already taken a shit today.
She hasn't responded yet. Hopefully she will tomorrow and we'll have a sequel.
4. I don't understand the hate The Situation gets. Then again, I have an interest in guineas with abs getting rich and famous for no good reason, so I might be biased.
5. There's a Facebook group going around called "If you loved/knew Eminem before "not afraid" or "love the way you lie". Umm... is Eminem really getting bandwagon fans from the singles off the new album? If I may address whoever started this for a moment, Eminem was kinda popular before the Recovery album. He wasn't exactly an underground sensation that only you and three friends knew about you fucking cockstick. I would have thought the multiple Grammys and the fucking OSCAR he won might have been a clue. But that's just me. Whatever. I "liked" the group anyway though. Nobody hates a bandwagon jumper more than me.