#1) There's something that always bothered me about the song "Bust A Move" by Young MC. Now, as every child of the '80's knows, this song was a monster hit, and it introduced the world to the rap stylings of Marvin Young. Now even way back in 1989, 10-year-old Joey liked the song, but there was something in the lyrics that always gave me a problem:
"Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry, in five days from now he's gonny marry. He says you better make it there if you can, 'cause in the ceremony you'll be the best man..."
The only conclusion I can come to from this sentence is that Young MC is fucking liar, or just picking words at random because they rhyme. This scenario is so unlikely that its pretty much an impossibility. "Joe, what the fuck are you talking about?" I imagine you're saying right now. Well you've got some attitude mister. Fine, I'll tell you what I'm talking about. First there's two ways to interpret those sentences. Either your best friend Harry is getting married in five days, and as an extra bit of (conveniently rhyming) information, he's got a brother named Larry, OR Larry is the one getting married in five days. Either way though, YOU being the best man makes no fucking sense. If Harry's getting married and he has a brother, WHY are you the best man when Larry clearly should be? And, if its Larry getting married, why the fuck is his brother's best friend the best man? THAT makes even less sense. The only conclusion is that Young MC is a LIAR. I kid you not, this has bothered me for the last twenty-three years.
I still really want those stuffed animal pants from the video though...
#2 Have you ever been waiting for an elevator with a couple of people, and then some dude comes along and walks over and pushes the button? As if the three or four of you were just standing there staring at the closed doors like assholes? As if HE was the only one smart enough to actually know how to make the elevator come? Is it wrong that whenever that happens, I want to cave the guys skull in with the nearest heavy object? Or at least smash his face into the buttons? Why does this make so angry? Why does everything else?
#3 You know I have to admit that in the whole Blu-Ray vs. HD-DVD war that was being fought a few years ago, I really wanted HD-DVD to win. Not for any nerdy technical reason or anything, but because HD-DVD sounds like a natural evolution to a high-definition DVD, and Blu-Ray sounds like something that belongs on the bottom of a fish tank. HD-DVD is clearly the better name. Hey, I didn't say all five things would be interesting.
Nothing about these screams "hi-tech video medium" to me
#4 Since I started working in the city again last year, I've had the misfortune to have to take the A-train on a daily basis in order to get to work. Now I also took the A-Train every day back in college, from 96-2000, and I gotta say that despite the fact that it's still one of the most neglected and antiquated lines on the New York City subway system, there are some noticible changes. For example, gentrification. White people now get on, and off, at Utica Avenue and Nostrand Avenue. And I don't mean crazy looking, transient, white people. I mean families! So weird.
#5 One thing that hasn't changed however, is a theory I came up with way back in my college days. This remains 100% true today; only assholes get off at High Street-Brooklyn Bridge. Don't believe me? Try this test next time you're passing through that stop. Watch who gets up to get off. Say to yoursel, "look at this asshole". I guarantee you, it fits.
I'm starting a petition to get them to rename the stop Asshole Plaza
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