5 Things: November 27, 2011

Hey kids, its about time for another 5 things... If ya don't know what that is, its the column where I wirte down five of the crazy, silly, yadda yadda yadda... know what? Go check previous entries and figure it out! On with the 5 Things!

1) Either we've been lied to all these years, or Santa Claus is a perverted deviant...

Heh... I threw the jump break in there to give you all an extra few seconds to mull that one over, but here's what I mean. We've been told that Santa sees us when we're sleeping and knows when we're awake right? So how come, when that kid saw his mommy kissing Santa Claus, Santa didn't know? I mean the song specifically says, the mom thought the kid was in bed sleeping, right? So fine, the kid fooled the mom, snuck outta bed and saw here swapping spit with Santa. But, how did Santa not know? Either we've been lied to about the whole "he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake" thing (which, even if true makes him kind of a creep by itself), or else Santa knew the kid was watching him get in there with the mom! Which is sick! I need answers pronto, because there's no way I'm letting that weirdo down my chimney if I'm right about this!

SICK!

2) Speaking of that song, the Jackson 5 version is especially disturbing - specifically the part where Michael starts to saying he's gonna tell dad. You know telling Joe Jackson something like that would get more than a few people fucked up.

That fat fuck did WHAT?

3) This is my first Christmas at my new job in the city. Let me just put this out there, as we get closer to the big day, if I don't hear some silver bells above all the bustle of the city; if that song turns out to be just a lie too, well, there's gonna be some problems, I promise you that.

4) Anyone who's ever spent any length of time with me knows that I sigh a lot. I mean A LOT. Well, I heard on TV that a study was done to figure out why people sigh, and after all the people in the study were given a puzzle that had no solution, they all sighed right before telling the testers they couldn't do it. The test concluded that people sigh when they've given up. So, according to this study, I give up something like two hundred times a day. Hmm... yeah, that sounds about right.

5) So while I was sitting in the BMW dealership for about 4 hours on Saturday waiting for them to finish servicing my car, I was in their lounge watching the TV. And on that TV was an infomercial for Cindy Crawford's skin care products, hosted by Valerie Bertinelli. Now, I don't wanna spoil this thing for anyone who's planning on watching it, but this things like two hours long and they don't kiss once during the whole thing! Yeah, I was disappointed too.

Sure they're older, but you know it'd still be hot