Friday, October 5, 2012

Internet Memes and Human Stupidity: The Aubrey Edition

Ok, so after my last attack on the brainlessness that plagues Facebook walls and Twitter feeds on a daily basis got so much acclaim (not that you'd know from the comments section here, but it was a hit in my house), I decided to do it again. And by decided I mean Liz suggested another enraging thing that people do that needs to stop. Read that again. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT MUST STOP. Now in the last article, I made reference to idiots who keep misquoting or falsely attributing semi-inspirational quotes to Marilyn Monroe or Ghandi. Actually, they're not even always semi-inspirational, sometimes the quotes are used because the people doing the quoting think the words of a celebrity excuse their monumentally dickish behavior. And in the past few years, there is no one who indirectly gets credit for more dickish behavior than Drake.
Now the purpose of this article is not to make fun of Drake. Yes, I think he's wildly and astoundingly overrated. Yes, I think he's the posterboy for how soft, fruity, pussified and downright mediocre hip-hop has become. But I'm not here to point that out. It's been done far better than I ever could by Big Ghostface (seriously, that dude is hilarious, I can't rave enough about his blog). What I am here to say is STOP QUOTING THIS ASSHOLE! And I'm not just talking about the YOLO thing. Well, wait, let's talk about that a second because that's part of this. "YOLO" for those of you who don't know, is an acronym for "you only live once" and since Drake so eloquently coined the phrase in his song "The Motto" assholes everywhere have been using this as an excuse to justify all sorts of braindead behavior. First of all, the internet behaves as if before Drake said it, no one knew this. As if we were all under the impression that you just get to come back over and over again until Professor Aubrey clued us in. Also, the logic behind the use of YOLO is flawed (Imagine that!). Yes, we only live once, which means you should try focusing on making the RIGHT decisions, not doing stuff that's likely to accelerate you to an early grave. "Should I suck all twelve of these guys' dicks? Oh well, YOLO." Ooh I found a bag of white powdery stuff in this unconscious bum's pocket. I probably shouldn't shove it directly up my nose, but YOLO, so fuck it." "Eating this stripper's asshole is probably a one-way ticket to Hepatitus C, but they rarely let you do it for free, so why not? YOLO." CUT THIS SHIT OUT!
I was going to put a funny YOLO picture illustrating the point here, but instead, THIS!
But it doesn't end with YOLO. I said the purpose of this article wasn't necessarily to abuse Drake, but maybe I was wrong, because this dude has some of the softest, most estrogen-laced lyrics I've ever had the displeasure to read. Seriously, doing the Google Images research for this was like getting sprayed in the eyes with Massengill. Seriously, why is anyone quoting this fruit? You can't find an appropriate Jay-Z lyric? Or Nas? Or Biggie? Or Pac? Or Wu-Tang? They've got tons of inspirational, evocative, thoughtful lyrics that have the added bonus of not coming off like they were written by someone with two X chromosomes. Quote some GangStarr for the lov'a god!
Or she's hungry, or tired, or feeling bloated, or thinking about something, or had her tongue cut out. The possibilities are endless, you crazy lyricist you.
Yes, but what if its a serial killer, and he thinks you're so beautiful he wants to wear your skull like a hat? What then Aubs? What then?
Not being able to see this would be pretty beautiful
This dude has a vagina
This is who you idiots are quoting? I've read Mothers Day Hallmark cards that are harder than this shit! Let me end this off by saying that just like the Marylin and Ghandi quotes I brought up earlier, I suppose these could be misquotes, or falsely attributed to Drake, and part of me hopes they are. I hate to think that hip-hop has gotten so milky-soft that this dude could actually say this shit and still be one of rap's most popular acts. Sigh.


  1. So true... I mean, I like some of the dudes songs as much as the next guy, but he is soft as a babies bottom.... Seeing the Jay Z show this week, where he came out and just did banger after banger for 2.5 hours in a row, makes you appreciate a real artist so much more. Great stuff as usual Joe... #YOLO!!!!

    1. Funny you bring up the Jay show because I was on my way there when Liz suggested this article, and after seeing Hov do his thing, I knew I had to chime in on this. I think Hip-hop is suffering from the same thing all entertainment is, the need to be mainstream and appeal to as wide an audience as possible. Unfortunately, corporate suits translate "mass appeal" as being as feminine as possible.

      Think of Jay's stuff though. "Song Cry" is arguably his "softest" song, and even that's kinda gritty because he's rapping about not being able to cry because he's, you know, a man. I probably will write a blog about the Jay show soon. It was too good not to.