Five Things: 10/12/12

Well kids, its Friday and that means its time for another Five Things. Yes that's right, I'm going to attempt to do this weekly. One man's "ambitious" is another's "delusional."
 

1. So I've decided that when I'm walking down a city sidewalk from now on, I'm not moving out of the way for anyone anymore. Now, that by itself might sound dickish so let me explain, because maybe some of you have noticed this phenomenon, or even better can offer an explanation to me. For some unfathomable reason, it seems like every time I'm walking down the street and someone is coming straight toward me, my instinct, being the naturally polite and awesome person that I am, is to veer to the side to go past them and allow them to continue on their way unimpeded. So how come whenever I do this, the person walking towards me starts to veer in the exact same direction? And then, when I increase my walking speed to get around them, THEY DO TOO! What the fuck? I mean, I know in addition to being polite and awesome I'm also monumentally attractive, but I didn't think that extended into the literal! So there we are, getting ever closer to one another, like two asymptotic lines, only instead of mathematical impossibility being the only thing keeping us from colliding, it's me doing an awkward, last minute, dickhead dance to get out of the way. Like an asshole. So from now on, I only walk in straight lines and I'll leave the getting out of my way to everyone else. Which now that I think about it is only fitting anyway. Stand aside! Stand aside for your betters!

 

Fuck outta my way! Important guy comin through!

Internet Memes and Human Stupidity: The Aubrey Edition

Ok, so after my last attack on the brainlessness that plagues Facebook walls and Twitter feeds on a daily basis got so much acclaim (not that you'd know from the comments section here, but it was a hit in my house), I decided to do it again. And by decided I mean Liz suggested another enraging thing that people do that needs to stop. Read that again. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT MUST STOP. Now in the last article, I made reference to idiots who keep misquoting or falsely attributing semi-inspirational quotes to Marilyn Monroe or Ghandi. Actually, they're not even always semi-inspirational, sometimes the quotes are used because the people doing the quoting think the words of a celebrity excuse their monumentally dickish behavior. And in the past few years, there is no one who indirectly gets credit for more dickish behavior than Drake.

 

 

Internet Memes and Human Stupidity

I've got a real love-hate thing going with all the memes going around the Internet that we see on a daily basis. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, wikipedia defines meme as "an idea, behavior or style that spreads from person to person within a culture". Internet memes are ideas and behaviors that (obviously) spread around the internet, usually through social media. Sometimes it seems like Facebook and Twitter exist solely to perpetuate the spread of these things... That stupid dancing baby; the Nigerian money scam; Lolcatz; "Who's Responsible This?"; Condecending Wonka. All of these things are internet memes that you may or may not know, but that have been spread like wildfire across web pretty much since the mid 90's when  people started making webpages with their Angelfire accounts. The best internet memes are funny. The worst ones are spread by people who THINK they're funny. This is where my love-hate relationship comes in.

 

The Other Side of a Heartbreak

Could It Be I'm Not As Wonderful As I Think I Am? Nah. Guilt is overrated. So is humility for that matter. Let's compare resumes and accomplishments (and looks, and intelligence, and personality, and abdominal muscles), and then we'll see who's right. Me, that's who! That's how I feel generally. After all, I'm awesome; I know I'm awesome; and I have no problem telling you, YOU should know I'm awesome too. In general, I carry myself with an unassailable sense of self confidence and righteousness. I've found that when you project that attitude, people pay attention. Think about it; nobody wants to listen to a mushy little "woe-is-me" crybaby (as anyone who spoke to me last April through Septemberish will happily tell you). After all, if I don't think I'm great, why should I expect you to? Now I don't mean out-and-out cockiness. It's not about telling people you're better than everyone else, no one wants to hear that shit (even when, as in my case, it's usually true). What I'm talking about is knowing, and believing, exactly how good YOU are.

Now all that stuff is easy to say, but making yourself believe it is something else. Especially when, back when you were in high school, you had the confidence and self esteem of that gross water that sometimes leaks out of a garbage bag. For the most part I've done a pretty good job of living this mindset. But I don't care how confident you are, how much swagger you have, be it natural and inborn, or practiced, one thing that can absolutely shatter the ego is a heartbreak (just ask mushy little crybaby "woe-is'me" Joey circa April-Septemberish 2011).

Five Things: 7/1/12

Hey kids, I thought I'd throw another "Five Things" your way. If you're new here, this is where I share with you five of the random, silly, funny, weird or downright demented thoughts that creep into my brain on a daily basis.  So, without further ado, hit that jump and we're off!

Permanent Damage

Sorry about the rare serious nature of today's blog but after what went down this morning, I need to get this off my chest and be done with it. Of course I'm talking about the Supreme Court's 5-4 decision to uphold Obamacare as Constitutional. Now depending on which fictitious side of the political aisle you more closely align yourself with, you might be thinking that's a good thing. However if you comprehend the majority's reasoning on upholding this law, and you still think that,  I unabashedly and unapologetically call you a fool, uninformed, unintelligent, a moron, or perhaps all of the above. Oh and just as an aside, I say "fictitious" because if you think there is any significant difference between a Democrat or a Republican being in power, I also unabashedly and unapologetically call you a fool, uninformed, unintelligent, a moron, or perhaps all of the above.

Continued after the jump...

A Game of Groans

I tend not to consider myself the typical geek. I AM a geek, no question about it... I can quote Star Wars verbatim, I have an encylclopedic knowledge of 80's toys, TV, movies and music, and I love comic books and wrestling. But I tend to downplay that aspect of my personality to all but those who really know me. I try to stay well rounded and not let my geekiness dominate my personality. And lets face it, when I say I'm not typical, I mean I'm also in great shape, have an active, healthy social life, and girls absolutely ADORE me (no really, they DO). If you were casting the role of a geeky character in a movie, he certainly wouldn't look or act like me, that's for sure. And I admit, I do tend to keep my geeky tendencies a bit closeted sometimes on purpose, because other geeks freak me out a little. I'm also a lawyer, and sometimes, just for fun, I like to take a less popular stance just for the joy of arguing it (and also because being a nudge and pushing people's buttons amuses the hell outta me). So its with a great level of discomfort that I'm forced to say unequivocally that I HATE this season of Game of Thrones. And I hate that I do. I want to love this show. I want to keep giving it the benefit of the doubt because its presenting a genre I love in a medium where more people will see and appreciate it and most of all, I don't want to be the typical geek ranting abouthow STUPID HBO IS WRECKING EVERYTHING HOW DARE THEY CHANGE MY BELOVED NERD NOVELS ROOAAAARRHULKSMASH!! But the fact remains, the writers are just changing too much stuff from the source material and over the course of this season its had an absolutely jarring effect, tearing me right out watching the show and taking a wrecking ball to my ability to enjoy it.

Be forewarned, there are heavy spoilers ahead. Well, for the novels anyway. Lord knows what the producers of the show have planned, but its starting to become obvious to me that TV series is slowly becoming "based on the novels by George R R. Martin" the same way Ghostbusters was based on the 70's TV series with  the gorilla.

Fun With Facebook Scammers 2

Just a quickie this time as this jerk wasn't as easy to lure in as the last asshole was. Oh well. My response still makes me giggle.

22 hours ago

Augi Oliva

The company I work for is expanding its Social Media Division. Are you interested in making more money?

13 hours ago

Joey Armao

I heard the company you work for is also expanding the asshole diameter of its employees, using the services of a particularly girthy Jamaican gentleman. I can see from your profile picture that I heard correctly.

Five Things 4/15/12

Aaaand its time once again for another "Five Things". That's five of the weird, absurd and sometimes just downright ignorant or mean thoughts and observations that pop into my head. Enjoy!

1) Ok, so you know how the middle lane is the Fire Lane when you're driving? Well am I the only one that reads the actual words on the street as "Lane Fire"? I mean yeah I get it, its written so that you read each word as it comes at you, but at least on this part of the planet,  when we read, we go top to bottom, left to right. Anyone else do this or is this just another one of those "no Joe, its just you" things?

Lane Fire is the only way I can see this

Remembering Independence Day

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The Z-100 High 5 at 9 - April 28, 1990

So in case any of you were wondering, my penchant for nostalgia (and my absurd nearly-photographic memory) is not limited solely to toys. Nope, I tend to get those warm, fuzzy feelings over all sorts of things from my youth...  be it toys, music, TV shows, movies, candy, comic books, you name it. Some people don't get why I reminisce this way. The thing is, I firmly believe that nostalgia prevents real life from robbing us of our youth. Its a dumb cliche, but growing old and growing up are two different things, and only one of them is inevitable. And, I really don't ever want the fact that I have to pay bills, or be "a professional" to ever mean that  I also can't remember what it was like to be kid. So I do shit like this sometimes, to try and keep myself in that mindset...  or at least take myself back to it for a little while, anyway. So, with that said, anyone feel like taking a trip back to late April 1990 with me? C'mon, its just after the move JUMP jack your body...

Fun With Facebook Scammers

Hey friends! Now, I don't know about you, but lately I've been getting some weird inbox messages on Facebook.  You probably have too since I can't imagine that I'm the only target of this scheme, because that would be a pretty shitty scam. You know what I mean, its a message from a stranger, who will ask you something along the lines of do you have a background in sports, or marketing or accounting or business management etc. When you look at the profile of the person who sent it, they obviously took a few weak steps to make it look like a real person's, but, if you know what you're looking for, they're obvioulsy fake.  And even if it weren't obvious, the fact that these messages, from different people, all contain substantially the same text, lets you know that something's just not right. Now, I haven't been able to figure out what the scam is, and I didn't bother to do any research to see if anyone else has either, and I used to just ignore them... but today I decdide to have a little fun.

Ode To Toys!

This was an article I wrote for my old MySpace blog, way back in the summer of 2007 but I’m resurrecting it now, with some edits and revisions. Just in the way of an update, , while I HAVE finally stopped buying toys after all these years, I still love them, I still stay up to date on new stuff coming out, and if I’m being completely honest, I probably would still buy a few here or there if I wasn’t in a “saving money” mode and if I had the space. Anyway, this is my “Ode to Toys”. Read it. Enjoy it. And check out the end of the article for a little idea I had. An idea involving YOU!

What a Difference a Year Makes...

One year ago today, I left my job of six and a half years. I left not knowing what the future held for me, not having a job lined up, and not knowing what the hell I even was going to do with myself. I left my really comfy office chair, and unrestricted work internet. I left comfort with my field of practice, and being "the man" at my regular courthouse. I left the freedom to come and go pretty much at will and the assumption that if I wasn't at my desk I was somewhere I was supposed to be. I left people behind I considered to be my family... my work family, anyway. Turns out those ties weren't as strong as I thought, but we'll get to that in a minute.

Looking back now, that job was a dead end. I was promised things that never materialized, I was underpaid, I was basically sleep walking through the work day, and I felt ground down. Making dumb mistakes, going to absurd lengths to hide the fact that I was making dumb mistakes and all the while spinning my wheels in a field of law that almost NOBODY could find particularly fulfilling. At the time, I was also in a relationship I thought was going to be my last (that, and she, turned out to be a colossal joke, but that's a subject of another blog... one I no longer feel the need to write, actually). In short, when it came to my career I was almost burnt out. Not only at that job, but very nearly on the profession as a whole. Its no wonder I was so willing to leave without even considering the consequences, because the consequences of staying were worse.

2011 was probably the hardest year of my life. Internally, I hit personal lows pretty much across the board. But you can't build on a shoddy foundation, and sometimes you have to clear away the rubble before you construct something new and better.

I'm happy to say that a year later, later I'm 9 months into my new gig as a personal injury attorney at one of the most reputable and well-respected firms in New York. In the past 9 months I've been broken down; old, bad habits shattered, work ethic and enthusiasm renewed. For the first time in a long time, I'm challenged. I'm learning so much, and I am, without question, a better attorney today than I was a year ago. And getting better. And the work I do helps people; it means something, which is an added bonus.

Now there's nothing like leaving a group of people you see everyday and think really like you to teach you exactly how wrong you are. And there were one or two people who ended up "collateral damage" to a lot of what I went through last year. And I absolutely exhausted myself attempting (unsuccessfully) to apologize to at least one of them. But I learned something else besides how to be a better lawyer this past year. I learned that "of all the weapons we turn on ourselves, guilt is the sharpest" (thank you Steve Erikson"). And while I remain apologetic, I won't -- can't -- hang onto that guilt anymore. 365 days is a long time.

Anyway, this whole thing reads like a buncha pussy shit to me, so I'm gonna end it here. Just wanted to acknowledge that 1 year ago today, I took the first step on a journey that would change my life (a step out the open door of an airplane). To make up for this nancy-boy nonsense I'll write a blog about toys or something this weekend. Promise.

~J 

Local Nut Writes Letter, Expects Results

Local nut and aspiring troublemaker Joey Armao has written a letter to the MTA, and CC'd various representatives of State and local government, complaining of substandard conditions on the A line of New York Subway System. Armao, a 33 year old attorney, discussed his decision to write the letter today in an exclusive interview.

5 Things 2/2/12

Hey everyone, its time for another 5 things! You know the story by now, 5 random thoughts I’ve had over the past few days, posted here for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!  

1. I’ve been riding the A train to work for the past 7 months, and I’ll tell you this; there’s nothing like mass transit to really make you hate abnormally large people. I’m not just talking about the general disdain normal people all have for fatties either. I mean there’s that, sure. But I’m talking about large people in general. If your proportions are so big that it’s uncomfortable (or impossible) to even sit in the seat next to you on the train, I don’t care if you’re the nicest person in the world, you’re an asshole.